Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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