So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
