So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
