i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
