My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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