but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
