Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
