But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
