His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
