More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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