is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
handjob tips. give me some.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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