I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize