porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
