first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
