his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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