shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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