I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
