I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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