My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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