where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
