i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
