Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
