I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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