I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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