Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
