your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize