Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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