I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
