you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
