So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
