'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
