New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
