Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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