my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
