I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
