I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
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Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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