is your mom at the bar?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
