Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
