Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
