Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
