Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
