God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She said her name was "party"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
