Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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