I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
