You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
