I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
