By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
