He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
