Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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