Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
