I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
