dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
