seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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