As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize