you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
