if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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