Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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