my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
