she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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