I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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