I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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