Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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