Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
