She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
