how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
