Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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