I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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