dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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