**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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