dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
