Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
