Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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